I wasn’t familiar with the song, Happy, by Leona Lewis prior to a dance competition last year. It took me awhile to figure out what the song was, but the line, I’m just trying to be happy, stuck with me.
A few months ago a little girl a few rows up from us in church stood up, started clapping and with a huge smile started shouting happy, happy, happy, happy, happy…. All I could think was isn’t that what we all want?
Don’t we all just want to be happy. It’s so hard though. It’s so hard when everything seems like such a struggle. When it seems there is just always something...
For me, the last year and a half, it’s been dealing with grief, emptying the house from the threat of a flood, worrying about medical and personal issues of others, stressing at work and at home over numerous issues, and the list could go on and on… It just seems like one thing after another; a never-ending cycle.
Around Thanksgiving time, Shelby had an episode at school where her lips turned blue during fitness and aerobics. Her doctor did an EKG and it showed some potential slight abnormalities. The doctor stressed that she was sending us on to a pediatric cardiologist just as a precaution and that we should try not to be alarmed. I walked out of the doctor’s office and thought why can’t we catch a break God? Why is it one thing after another after another. We’ve lost 4 loved ones in the past 7 years, we’re still dealing with my Dad’s death and estate, we’ve dealt with the threat of the flood of our home, and numerous medical and personal issues of family members. We’re trying to make tough decisions daily that we don’t feel “adult” enough to make. We’re trying to learn so many things that Dad always just took care of, why can’t we catch a break. We are trying to live like God calls us to, and there are pressures everywhere. I don’t know if I can take anything more. The thought of something wrong with my child’s heart was more than I could bear. Why, why, why is it one thing after another? Why can’t we catch a break, Lord?
As I cried out to God, everything changed in a split second. Suddenly, I realized maybe we were getting a break. If there was something wrong with her heart, we were finding out now rather than getting a phone call that something catastrophic happened at school or during a sports event.
Our home didn’t flood. God kept our home dry this summer. The medical and personal issues of family members are improving. God is showing us the way with everything Dad always took care of. We just have to trust Him. Through my anguish, God spoke to me. It’s all about perspective.
It’s so easy to get sucked into the cycle of why me?!? It’s difficult to maintain perspective - struggles are a part of life, but God will get us through. As desperately as I want to be happy and life to be easy, God doesn’t promise us that we will always be happy during this earthly life. He does promise to stay by our side, though. I have to constantly remind myself of this. There will be aches and pains during this lifetime, but God will never leave our side. He is always with us. Sometimes the struggle or trial which seems too much to bear is really God saving us from something worse. Sometimes in life when we look back, this struggle or trial doesn't make sense and never will during this earthly life. But, sometimes, in life when we look back, it all makes sense. Something that seemed like an inconvenience or another trial was far from it because it allowed something beautiful to happen or heartache to be avoided. It’s all about perspective and keeping our eyes on Heaven where true happiness is found and is waiting. Although earthly happiness is faltering, God is not.
The pediatric cardiologist diagnosed Shelby with exercise-induced asthma, but found nothing wrong with Shelby's heart. God is good and watching out for us always.
One of my new favorite songs is Where I Belong by Building 429. The lyrics and video with lyrics are below.
I love this part…
So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
It reminds me to be so grateful for all the things God has done for me and provided. I am blessed. It’s all about perspective.
Where I Belong
Building 429
from the album Listen To The SoundSometimes it feels like I'm watching
From the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing
But am I alive?
I will keep searching for answers
That aren't here to find
(Chorus)
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
Chorus
When the earth shakes
I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade
I wanna be found in You
Chorus (X2)
Where I belong (X4
From the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing
But am I alive?
I will keep searching for answers
That aren't here to find
(Chorus)
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
Chorus
When the earth shakes
I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade
I wanna be found in You
Chorus (X2)
Where I belong (X4
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